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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the reliable retreat for daily publications, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and historic moments, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to find out that an online journalist a well-known presenter possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room rather too directly, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the Italian striker visited a nearby college for toilet purposes in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” an undergraduate shared with the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach post a quick discussion in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the famous old stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“Where on earth could we find for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his tenure as national coach “soulless”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Live Updates

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women's major tournament coverage from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|